Just Trust Me - God

Went home to my province after the breakup. I felt mixed emotions. I was happy because I was with my family again and was able to see my mom. Sad because if we didn't breakup, I won't be having any reason to go home. I missed my mom, I missed my family, my home and where I grew up. And at the same time I miss him. It was so unfair because I left my heart with him. That I wasn't able to feel the happiness of being home because of him. Maybe my heart changed my hometown without telling me.

Anyway, after the breakup, after chasing after him and asking him for another chance, finally I give up. I just had this realization that I have done enough. I can't give more. I am at my peak where there's nothing left of me to give. Hell! 3 years! why does it have to take soo long just for him to end it like that? The memories, everything we spent, the time, affection, and love. Where did it all go?? I am so shattered and broken. I can't concentrate on my work.

Our friends say we/he need space. I should give it to him. But my friends tell me to wake up, pick myself up, go and never turn back. I don't deserve this heartache. I don't deserve this and the way he treats me.It's "Me Time" now. I need to focus on myself. I just want to be happy. I just want to have a man who would be there with me, love me, will never make me feel I am an option. I am not ugly and there are a lot of fishes in the sea. But why can't I get the fish that I want? :(

I keep on asking a lot of questions. Why does it have to be me. I know the answer but as what the saying goes, truth hurts. I keep on reminding myself to push forward. I need to be independent again. I need to love myself again. It's time to turn over a new leaf. I won't deny the fact that I would still be thinking about him. The pain is still fresh. But eventually it will become stale, until I throw it away because it rots. I'm looking forward for a fresh start and a very happy and contented outcome.

Dear God, whatever it is I am going through right now, please, don't leave me. Please don't let me walk this path alone. Show me the right path and guide me to the light. I trust you and I give everything to you. I made a lot of mistakes and I know you have already forgiven me.